It's the first day of school! Yippee!! I had to drink a Starbucks Double Shot Espresso to wake up this morning, at the buttcrack of dawn, while the sun was still snoring (something I deeply resent). I think I got MAYBE five hours of sleep last night. Lordy. I'd forgotten this part.

My "No Kids!" happy dance lasted all of twenty minutes. Then I realized I'm stuck - for the next EIGHT HOURS - with a demented ADHD Chocolate Labrador, who is recovering from being neutered, and who is supposed to stay STILL. No running, jumping, playing, or aggravating the evil cat (who will then cause him to flail and fall all over himself in the getting away from her).

I have said, "LAY DOWN!" at least 80 times in the last half hour. I'm answered with Booby Licks. (Why does he have to lick my CLEAVAGE????)

SOMEONE here needs some Valium. I'm not saying who just yet.