I'm pissed. Let's just get that out of the way. I don't rant often, but this is what it's going to be today. There may be F-words. If you'd rather skip, I totally understand.
For about nine months now, Shaggy has been "dating" a sweet, sweet girl. His first girlfriend. His first kiss. His first inkling of twue-twue-love.
About three months ago, Shaggy told us that he'd told her he didn't think they should say, "I love you" to each other because he wasn't sure they really knew what that meant... and it was too important a word to throw about. She agreed. It's one of the reasons we really, really liked this girl. She's smart and funny and has a really good head on her shoulders.
The down-side, and always a hard part for them... She doesn't go to his school. She doesn't live nearby. The dating portion usually involves Mr. Clean or I taking them out to dinner or movies with us, or dropping Shaggy off at the mall to hang with her while we're shopping elsewhere. She came out for Shaggy's bonfire party, here, and Shaggy made it out that way for her birthday party. She also made it to a few of his baseball games (when they were out towards where she lives). In a nutshell -- it's a mid-distance relationship --- distance being the operative word, difficult and heart-achey being little hanger-on words.
Now that baseball season is over, Shaggy is concentrating on his sailboat racing - something very important to him AND something he's totally AWESOME at doing. To that end, he signed up on the crew list at my Dad's yacht club, where he can be picked for race crews. Example: Someone saw his crew profile last week and recruited him for their race team this weekend... so he's currently in the middle of Galveston Bay, taking part in a 2-day buoy regatta. This will give him so much experience - useful when he applies to the US Naval Academy (his dream school, with Texas A&M as his 2nd choice - both of them having successful sailing teams).
This sailing extravaganza will go on until August/September. PLUS, he's considering a job at the yacht club for the summer (so he can be down there all the time and more available for races). If that happens, he'll be shacking up with my Dad and Stepmom and wahh! I'll really miss him! And so will his girlfriend.
All that to say.... this past weekend, Shaggy decided that dating this truly lovely girl wasn't going to work out. He's spent the last months feeling miserable because his schedule just didn't allow for a lot of "girlfriend time" and the idea of going all summer with just phone calls and MySpace seemed, well, UNFAIR to both of them.
It wasn't a light decision, by any means. He came to me multiple times throughout the week, sort of hedging about the possibility that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. He stressed over it. Wrung his hands. Agonized. He even got a little teary-eyed at one point. It made me crazy to see how upset he was... and also a bit proud because how often is it a teen-boy-child TALKS about this stuff as opposed to just dumping the girl with callous disregard for her feelings??
I talked to him and let him know that he had to make the decision that was good for him... but he also had to make sure he did it the right way. He had to make sure he let her down easy, reassure her it wasn't anything she did, that there wasn't some other girl in the wings (there's not), and that it really came down to circumstances and distance. He needed to make sure she understood it had nothing to do with how he felt about her. Basically, I gave to him all the things I WISH had been said to me at that age.
Folks, my kid is... I have no words. I'm so very, very proud of how MATURE he was about the whole thing. For a sixteen year old kid, he did amazingly well with a difficult situation. He made the best of it. She cried. He agonized more. It Tore Him Up that she cried. He waited a while and text messaged her later, telling her uplifting things - telling her he wanted to stay in touch and talk, that he understood she was hurt and angry at him... but later, when it passed a bit, he wanted to stay friends. He told her she'd always be very special to him.
He handled this breakup like every woman WISHES a man would handle it!!
Later that afternoon, some of her friends started texting and calling Shaggy's cell phone, to say things like: "How does it feel to go around breaking people's hearts?" "How can you live with yourself?" "Do you know how awful a person you are?" These are just a sampling of the ones I can post. There is much, much worse. And they won't stop calling him.
So, hey girls.... yeah, you.... FUCK YOU!!
It absolutely Breaks my heart that you girls -- girls not even INVOLVED -- decided to get into the thick of it. I sympathize with you. I understand you're ticked on behalf of your friend. I think it's great that you're so ready and eager to take up for someone you love. But girls??
Get all the damn information before you start spouting your venomous prose!!
You've now succeeded in making a hard situation into something completely unbearable. Do you realize you're effectively PUNISHING Shaggy for doing the RIGHT thing in the RIGHT way?? And if his next girlfriend only receives callous disregard... it WON'T be because I didn't try to teach him the right way to do things... it won't be because he's no longer a boy who sincerely cares about other people's feelings... it'll be because YOU made it clear that trying hard to make it easy wasn't worth the time or effort!! Think about that next time you get DUMPED instead of let down.
You make me sick.
For about nine months now, Shaggy has been "dating" a sweet, sweet girl. His first girlfriend. His first kiss. His first inkling of twue-twue-love.
About three months ago, Shaggy told us that he'd told her he didn't think they should say, "I love you" to each other because he wasn't sure they really knew what that meant... and it was too important a word to throw about. She agreed. It's one of the reasons we really, really liked this girl. She's smart and funny and has a really good head on her shoulders.
The down-side, and always a hard part for them... She doesn't go to his school. She doesn't live nearby. The dating portion usually involves Mr. Clean or I taking them out to dinner or movies with us, or dropping Shaggy off at the mall to hang with her while we're shopping elsewhere. She came out for Shaggy's bonfire party, here, and Shaggy made it out that way for her birthday party. She also made it to a few of his baseball games (when they were out towards where she lives). In a nutshell -- it's a mid-distance relationship --- distance being the operative word, difficult and heart-achey being little hanger-on words.
Now that baseball season is over, Shaggy is concentrating on his sailboat racing - something very important to him AND something he's totally AWESOME at doing. To that end, he signed up on the crew list at my Dad's yacht club, where he can be picked for race crews. Example: Someone saw his crew profile last week and recruited him for their race team this weekend... so he's currently in the middle of Galveston Bay, taking part in a 2-day buoy regatta. This will give him so much experience - useful when he applies to the US Naval Academy (his dream school, with Texas A&M as his 2nd choice - both of them having successful sailing teams).
This sailing extravaganza will go on until August/September. PLUS, he's considering a job at the yacht club for the summer (so he can be down there all the time and more available for races). If that happens, he'll be shacking up with my Dad and Stepmom and wahh! I'll really miss him! And so will his girlfriend.
All that to say.... this past weekend, Shaggy decided that dating this truly lovely girl wasn't going to work out. He's spent the last months feeling miserable because his schedule just didn't allow for a lot of "girlfriend time" and the idea of going all summer with just phone calls and MySpace seemed, well, UNFAIR to both of them.
It wasn't a light decision, by any means. He came to me multiple times throughout the week, sort of hedging about the possibility that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. He stressed over it. Wrung his hands. Agonized. He even got a little teary-eyed at one point. It made me crazy to see how upset he was... and also a bit proud because how often is it a teen-boy-child TALKS about this stuff as opposed to just dumping the girl with callous disregard for her feelings??
I talked to him and let him know that he had to make the decision that was good for him... but he also had to make sure he did it the right way. He had to make sure he let her down easy, reassure her it wasn't anything she did, that there wasn't some other girl in the wings (there's not), and that it really came down to circumstances and distance. He needed to make sure she understood it had nothing to do with how he felt about her. Basically, I gave to him all the things I WISH had been said to me at that age.
Folks, my kid is... I have no words. I'm so very, very proud of how MATURE he was about the whole thing. For a sixteen year old kid, he did amazingly well with a difficult situation. He made the best of it. She cried. He agonized more. It Tore Him Up that she cried. He waited a while and text messaged her later, telling her uplifting things - telling her he wanted to stay in touch and talk, that he understood she was hurt and angry at him... but later, when it passed a bit, he wanted to stay friends. He told her she'd always be very special to him.
He handled this breakup like every woman WISHES a man would handle it!!
Later that afternoon, some of her friends started texting and calling Shaggy's cell phone, to say things like: "How does it feel to go around breaking people's hearts?" "How can you live with yourself?" "Do you know how awful a person you are?" These are just a sampling of the ones I can post. There is much, much worse. And they won't stop calling him.
So, hey girls.... yeah, you.... FUCK YOU!!
It absolutely Breaks my heart that you girls -- girls not even INVOLVED -- decided to get into the thick of it. I sympathize with you. I understand you're ticked on behalf of your friend. I think it's great that you're so ready and eager to take up for someone you love. But girls??
Get all the damn information before you start spouting your venomous prose!!
You've now succeeded in making a hard situation into something completely unbearable. Do you realize you're effectively PUNISHING Shaggy for doing the RIGHT thing in the RIGHT way?? And if his next girlfriend only receives callous disregard... it WON'T be because I didn't try to teach him the right way to do things... it won't be because he's no longer a boy who sincerely cares about other people's feelings... it'll be because YOU made it clear that trying hard to make it easy wasn't worth the time or effort!! Think about that next time you get DUMPED instead of let down.
You make me sick.
