Living in the country, you're bound to come across the hell-created denizens of wildlife at one point or another. You know, cockroaches the length of your pinky finger...

Quick Digression: I know lots of Southern folks call these things Palmetto bugs but people? Don't kid yourself, they are ROACHES. Giant WINGED cockroaches that fly at your head like fighter planes and then laugh heartily when you try to step on them (I don't... I scream like a banshee and make Mr. Clean attack with large, large SHOES (but never mine)). If you live near lots and lots of pine trees, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't a clue? Check this out and then drop to your knees and thank God you don't live in the South. (p.s. you don't KNOW the ICK factor that occurred in finding that picture... dear lord... you're welcome.) Digression (and parentheticals) over.

Other beauties... fire ants - which, while they DO keep ticks away - Ewww - they also have a very serious military attack strategies for any interlopers who come within ten feet of their existence. Then you have scorpions and last, but not least, SPIDERS.

Obviously, if you have been reading my blog for a while you've figured out that I am not a fan of ANY of these little demon critters. Well, one of their hellish species has decided that they are NOT a fan of me any longer. Or maybe they REALLY REALLY LURVE me?

I don't know.

In the last month, I have been subjected to FOUR spider bites. Folks, I've never in my LIFE been bitten by a spider until NOW. Do they love my vanilla scent? Am I invading some little rave-space they created without my knowledge? Because I know this much - I am not getting bit outside. It is in my bed or on my couch or at my DESK. They've shown up after work (desk) or before bed (couch) or in the morning (bed).

And I am MIGHTILY sick of them. First, they hurt like the dickens. The most recent - on the back of my calf - feels like it's on fire. I'm currently sitting on an ice pack to help relieve a little pain, though part of the ice pack is touching my arse so... yeah, not that comfortable.

I looked all this up on Web MD and they only give symptoms for poisonous spider bites like black widows and brown recluses. Well shit. We have BOTH of those all around here but I've never once seen either of them in my house. I KNOW it is not a black widow but the brown recluse description (of the bite) fits... on the very very MILD side. In other words, it hurts. There is a blister. And it hurts. Did I mention it hurts? And they all looked like ant bites the day before they started to hurt like Hades kiss.

I am currently sporting two very pretty band-aids. One small and NEON YELLOW on my forearm and one large and UGLY WALKING WOUND one on my calf. Pretty!!

I'm also SCARED to sit at my desk... I keep looking all around me. Is another creeping closer RIGHT NOW for a sneak attack while I blog? I'm betting it is. There is certainly one staring at me with its cluster of EYES.. Right. This. Second. Or maybe they are congregating in my couch cushions, waiting for me to watch a movie? I know they are not gathered in my bed. I dragged all the blankets, sheets, and down mattress off this morning. Again. Which leaves me this... Are they creepy-crawling into bed with me while I sleep and then leaving once they have tasted my flesh??

Oh dear Lord...

No one else is getting bit. And part of me is MIGHTILY IRKED by this fact. Why just ME?

Spiders! Go AWAY!

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