Looky, looky... it's a suprise blog! Heh. I have to do something to keep you folks on your toes.

So, I'm sitting here drinking a nice hot cup of Coconut Thai Chai tea with milk and honey and I have to say, today's been one of those Are-You-Sure-It's-Not-Monday?! days. I've never been so happy to look at the calendar and confirm that, no joke, it's really Friday. Now, as opposed to blistering your ears with my fiery aversion to supposedly professional, corporate people who need serious time management therapy (preferably applied to their skulls via jackhammer), I'm going to talk to you about vegetables.

Yes, vegetables.

I am currently one of those people spending ludicrous amounts of money on organic veggies at either the store or the local fruit stand. I'm tired of this. Really tired. And also? I have eleven freaking acres of land. I realize I am sometimes slow with the conscious thought, but the other day, my brain said, "Hey you... yeah, you who doesn't normally listen to me. Why don't you Grow a garden?" And I thought, "Hey... what a neat idea." There's only one problem.

I have a black thumb. No, really... like frostbite has attacked and it's about to fall off, BLACK. Usually, I just have to LOOK at a plant and it will up and die of sheer fright. When I walk through the Home Depot garden area, all the plants lean farrrrrr away from me, crying and whispering beneath their leaves, "Please, not me... oh pleassssse, not me. Look away, lady. Check out that Hibiscus over there, but please don't look at me." (at which point the Hibiscus screams, "You idiot ferns! She's already killed two of us!!")

Yeah, the plants and me -- no likey, likey.

My best friend, Wahoo, on the other hand... she has The Bright Emerald Green Thumb of Garden Joy. Thus, I enlisted her help. Mostly, our conversation looked like this:

Me: I want to grow a garden.
Her: Awesome. I love gardens. What are you going to plant?
Me: Oh you know, food.
Her: Specifics?
Me: Lots of herbs. Well, those won't be going into the garden; they'll be in pots on my back porch. So, garlic. Lots of garlic. And onions. And veggies. Easy to grow stuff. Stuff that doesn't get bugs or disease.
Her: *laughing*
Me: What?
Her: It doesn't really work that way.
Me: That's why I'm calling you. I need your help. I don't know what to doooooooo. (yes, I started the incredibly bad whining)
Her (obviously feeling sorry for me): I'd be thrilled to help you. I even have a tiller I can bring over.
Me: Cool. What's a tiller again?

Joking! I actually DO know what a tiller is and I have a basic idea on gardening. But.. plants really do die on me, regularly, so I'm in a bit of a bind. It's just that I'm sick and tired of paying for stuff I should be able to walk out my back door to get. Plus, Jamie Oliver makes it look way too easy on his new FoodNetwork show.

So I've made it my goal (you know, in addition to all of my other goals) to plant a Spring garden. First, I'll have pots on my back deck, where the sun is plentiful. For those, I'm thinking: lots of basil (2 types), oregano, garlic chives, parsley, cilantro, sage, a cherry tomato plant, and a space-saver cucumber plant. I found the coolest WHITE cherry tomato plant that has had rave reviews.

In the garden itself, I want: corn, green beans, lima beans, speckled butter beans (another type of lima), black-eyed peas, roma tomatoes, beefsteak tomatoes, bell peppers, jalepeno peppers, serrano peppers, onions, garlic, carrots, and a nice rosemary bush.

You probably think that's probably pretty umm... adventurous, don'tcha? Pffffft... what's an adventure if you don't have a hint of cavalier attitude towards it?

I figure a few things:
1) I can freeze many, many beans (just like the ones I'm buying two and three times a month because all I ever, ever hear around this house is, "Mommmm, please please please cook the Butterbean soup again!")

2) I can make homemade salsa and basil pesto, learn how to can things, and then give them to people for Christmas!

3) When everyone is sick to death of salsa and pesto, I can make homemade marinara sauces and then give them to people for Christmas!

4) I will not have to go to the grocery for veggies, except for lettuces (because they scare me to grow right now), broccoli, and mushrooms. The occasional squash/zucchini -- we don't do that too much around here, at least not regularly enough to consistute growing my own -- I'll just nab some from Wahoo's garden (in exchange for a couple of bags of beans or something, of course).

5) And If I have LOTS of extra veggies, that's okay because I have in-laws next door and if I give my MIL fresh veggies -- I will be her absolute FAVORITE forever. I like being people's favorites.

6) I'll find out if organic pest sprays really work.

7) Last, but not least: I'll find out just how many bunnies are brave enough to come into the yard for midnight munchies and I'll have plenty to blog about regarding our deer. I think they may have entitlement issues.

The other night, as I looked out the window before going to bed -- I do this every single night, like clockwork -- I saw four does. One was just a couple of feet from the window, one was over near Val's feed bucket (maybe 100' away), and the other two were enjoying the grass in between. The wind chimes on the porch were blowing around, giving off wild musical notes -- and nothing. They didn't care; they're not scared of anything now! Too often the dog has just watched them cavort about the yard rather than chase them away. They are spoiled. Surely, they will believe I am planting a garden just for them.

The bunnies -- well, they make garden nets for those little critters.

The only problem I can see having is the MOLES. I have moles. Merlin (the dog) brings us one here and there. Ugh. Mostly, I hear they like the carrots. I'm thinking maybe a raised bed for those, with a mesh screen at the bottom (so the roots can get through if they actually grow that long but it keeps the moles at bay for the most part).

Okay, I'm now drinking a nice hot Starbucks Almond Mocha that Mr. Clean has brought me and the overwhelming smell of pizza is calling... I gotta run!

In the meantime, if you know ANYTHING about gardening.... I'm all ears. And pen. And paper. And I might call you at 2 o'clock in the morning, when I get lost on Burpee.com. But really? I need HELP!
2 Responses
  1. Dancinfairy Says:

    Paul is the green fingered one in our house, he is currently sorting out my herb garden and then has bought potatoes, broad beans, garlic and a whole load of other things that are currently in seed packets in my kitchen. I also have the black thumb although last year I managed to keep a hanging basket of flowers alive for a whole 3 months! Good luck with your 'little' project!

  2. katkin Says:

    Wow..........heh. Sounds like a LOT of work. I can't help much. I only grow tomatoes. And compared to my BIL's tomatoes, mine are paltry little plants. His secret has been years of tilling dead leaves and stuff into his garden space.