Sounds kinky, yes? Well, don't get your hopes up. My boobs are doing just fine, thanks.

No. This is about yesterday's Meme. Almost all the folks I've heard from about this little personality profile have confirmed my suspicions that this expose of my traits is smoking crack (or perhaps just a little pot...we'll see).

So. Nitpick and list maker that I am, I'm going to crack open my brutal honesty folder and break it down, trait by trait - probably exposing some of my biggest faults in the process but, hey... It's bound to be interesting!

open - Sometimes - This is a tough one. If I know you well or feel a connection to you, I'll be an open book. Mostly. If not, or if I'm not entirely comfortable around you... I'll make you THINK I'm an open book, without giving away a single thing about the real me.

tough - Correct - They don't call me Field Marshall Mom for nothing. I am a tough one, with high expectations and a very low threshold for dealing with mediocrity. On the other hand, I'm a great big wussy girl sometimes with soft, fragile feelings and some girly tendencies here and there. Yes, I'll go work outside getting sweaty and dirty with the big dogs but you can bet your last buck, I'm going to screech like a wuss when a bee flies near me and will probably squeeze out a tear or twenty if I hurt myself (probably in the process of running from that damn bee). But. I always get back up, brush myself off, and climb back on the (sometimes) proverbial horse.

irritable - I'm Trying! - If I don't have my coffee? You better believe I'm irritable. Run. And. Hide. However, over the years I've managed to extend the time it takes to go from nice-and-laid-back to hitting the Gs of full-out-irritated-and-explosive. It now takes 11 minutes instead of 10. Twenty years of work there, folks. I figure by the time I'm 60, I might be able to last more than half an hour.

But seriously... these days... I'm the one kicking back listening to the music in my head while the Olympic version of Spawnling McBickerfest is going on in the backseat -- whereas previously laid back Mr. Clean is gripping the steering wheel so tightly, I can't help but watch in fascination as I'm sure it's going to snap clean through one of these days. And then how is he going to drive? I keep asking him that but he only looks at me with the 'scary eyes'. Oooooh, I'm shaking.

worrying - They Got Me - Okay, I'll admit it... I'm a worrier. I try really hard not to be, but I am. I don't worry about dying or what tomorrow will bring. I worry about people - my people, the people I care about. It does not, however, take over my life. But yeah, for a few minutes - here and there - I think about people close to me, those who give me Leave to worry, and then I move on. In a strange twist, my worrying vibes somehow manage to cross amazing spatial boundaries and the objects of my concern will usually call me later that night. To tell me not to worry.

does not like to be alone - WRONG! - Oh dog... I am the only female in a house of stinky-feet males and this thing thinks I do NOT like to be alone? Craaazzzeeee computer Meme. I LOVE being alone. I don't want to be alone Forever but I have at least five days worth of anti-social-leave-me-alone days each month. And, no, not at that time of the month. Or at least not necessarily. There's no rhyme or reason to when the days occur. Could be once a week or an entire week. I don't know of a single Mom who doesn't crave some ALONE time. Sheesh.

craves attention - Correct - Yes, I do. I like attention. I love attention. Give me more. Give me more! More correctly, I enjoy being the Center of attention. BUT. I don't think I go around garnering attention in any sort of an overt fashion. I'm a sneaky attention grabber.

low self control - WRONG! - Huh? This one truly confused me. Let's talk about self-control. If I had low self control, you'd better believe I would have told every co-worker on my little black list just what I think about their dirty politics, crap-ass work ethic, boy's club bullshit. I have one co-worker who, in the last four months, has completely FAILED to reply to a single email concerning Important! Things! I! Need! It takes every OUNCE of self-control to not march myself over to his department and smack him upside the head while giving him a dressing-down on the intricacies of Common Courtesy (most likely calling him many inventive and vulgar names in the process). LOW self control? Dear dog... I deserve an Oscar for my self-control performances.

emotionally sensitive - They Got Me - I always thought the whole sticks and stones thing was a load of crap. I take everything personally, even when I'm trying my best not to. I was watching Ambush Makeover today (boredom, ya know?) and some woman's husband called in the team, stating that his wife was starting to resemble her DOG (a beautiful Golden Retriever, by the way). After that, all I could concentrate on was the fact that if MY Mr. Clean ever made such a statement, much less on national TV, a) he'd soon be minus a couple of dangly bits and b) I'd dissolve into tears on said national TV. (not necessarily in that order)

interacting - Mostly - While I Do enjoy being in the thick of things (see craves attention) and while I like interacting with other adults (as opposed to other people's spawnlings), I have to revisit the anti-social comment I made earlier. Sometimes, interacting for me is sitting back on the fringe and having little plot/character discussions with my brain while I'm absorbing all the details I can about YOU.

sad - WRONG! - I am not sad. Except during the throes of PMS. Then I am Sad. And I cry. A lot. When something completely innocuous drives me to tears, the first thing Mr. Clean is know to say is, "That time of the month, hon?" And then I fire lasers from my tear-stained eyeballs and fry him to a crisp. Really. I'm a happy person. I find the good in everything and live by the silver lining. Sometimes it's a little tarnished, but it's still silver.

very social - Depends - see anti-social comments above. Otherwise, yeah, this is fairly on target.

aggressive - Correct - Ahem. I stalked my first crush. When boys broke up with me in Jr High and High School, the excuses I got were not the "it's not you, it's me" kind. They were normally along the lines of, "you're just so aggressive and I don't know how to handle that." I only have one word to say to that... and I probably shouldn't write it.

prefer organized to unpredictable - Correct - I do Prefer organized. If organized is liking things where I left them and knowing what to expect most days. I'm not a big one for change, although I adapt really well to it. I'm the one who will stomp and rant about who moved my cheese for at least a day. The next day, I'll say, "Fine. Let's go find the freaking cheese and get it over with." By the third day, you'd never know it had been moved to begin with.

dependent - What?! - *laughing* I was so freaking independent as a child, it drove my parents to fits. I insisted on doing EVERYTHING for myself, even if it was so obvious I'd never succeed on my own. That's never changed. I do have a certain dependency on stability. I like stability. But if suddenly left on my own, I'd never crawl in a hole and cry about it. One of my favorite things to say: Just get over yourself and deal with it.

social chameleon - Sometimes - I can fit into most social situations like I belong. I don't always CHOOSE to, however.

suspicious - Sometimes - Okay, yes. I can be very suspicious at times. Once burned and all that. I have trust issues. I've never tried to hide them.

values the heart over the mind - WRONG! - So wrong. I know a few people with the most gracious hearts but ummm... the intelligence angels missed their little bassinets. I don't love them any less but they wouldn't be the people I'd choose as potential mates. I value common sense and a brilliant quick-witted sharp mind. A good heart is wonderful but not if all your decisions are made without a little brain power to back them up.

likes large parties - Correct - I do! I do! I like to flit and float from group to group, being the social butterfly that I am (when not being anti-social). I miss the giant parties from back when, before spawnlings and responsibility took hold of my life. The only large parties I don't enjoy are the corporate kind. I just can't kiss ass. Doesn't work for me. And I have very little, if anything, in common with my co-workers because they don't have a clue who I Really am (see "open").

outgoing - Correct - Yes-indeedy.

likes to make fun - Correct - *clapping* Yes! Yes! Yes! I love joking around, making fun (without harming feelings), and playing practical jokes.

likes to fit in - Sometimes - I like to fit in... but don't find it always necessary.

mildly phobic - Correct - Okay, yeah. I can't deny this one. But not in an "Ewww, germs!" kind of way. Just the falling thing. And roaches. And spiders/scorpions/other creepy crawly things. And bees. The bees definitely count as phobic.

vain - HUH?! - I'm lucky if I can find a mirror in my purse most days. I enjoy looking nice but I rarely wear makeup. I am a little vain about my hair. It's long and naturally curly and while there are days I curse its Medusa tendencies, I have great hair. And yes, I have nice boobs. Lovely girls, they are. I lurve my boobies. Do I spend all day with my nose down my cleavage? Ummm, No.

makes friends easily - WRONG! - Ohhh no no no no no, I do not. I'm much too picky, and my expectations are too high, and my trust issues are even higher, and I could go on. I have a very small group of friends. Hmmm. On the other hand, I am the one who will cross a room to introduce myself to someone who seems to be new and/or alone. So, okay, I will easily put the feelers out to make new friends. But few make it to the finish line with me.

enjoys leadership - Hmmm - I don't know how to take this one. I enjoy Being. The. Leader. So, from that viewpoint, yes. Right on the dot. If it means I enjoy having leadership... like in a work setting? Hell No. My boss(es), for the last four years, have basically ignored me and I thoroughly enjoy it. If I need them, I know where they are. I don't usually need them. I know my job.

clingy - Sometimes - Yeah, I can sometimes get a little clingy when I'm PMSing. Everyone needs an extra hug sometimes.

rash - They Got Me - I do believe my Mother repeated the phrase, "Think before you speak" to me at least a million times or more while I was growing up. I have to repeat it to myself now. Often. I go hurtling myself down the road like Dorothy on her way to Oz in most situations, without thinking them through first. I learn things the hard way. I make rash decisions and then kick myself in the pants later. I don't regret a Moment of it.

Well, that got LONG - everything you didn't care to know about me. Heh. Have a great Friday y'all!
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