... without a backpack full of Capuccinno Vodkas and a magic mushroom or two.

About ohhhh nine months or so ago, Mr. Clean and I were taken hostage by that American dream called Build-Your-Own-Home. We've lived where we are now for going on 13 years, always with the intention of building our dream home. But then the years passed by and things cropped up... Spawnlings. New truck. Stuff. Obviously, building our own home was a nice dream but not a priority or reality.

Enter my friend, Wahoo - a financial mortgage loan whiz particulary gifted in the art of sales. Thirty minutes of big number financial chatter (which I checked out from, having a sincere fear of that genre of mathematics) and the Hubs was singing, "Hot-Diggity-Damn, we're going to build a house." Did I also mention she's gorgeous? What man can turn down a convincing argument made by a hot blonde?

Thus began the nightmare.

Don't get me wrong; I'm more excited than a puppy about to piddle about building this home. At the same time, I've been through this process before as a 6 year old onlooker. Umm, I was still looking upon bits and pieces when I was 14. That idea scares the crap out of me. I don't want to still be working on this project 8 years from now. Also? I have the most expensive taste known to man. It doesn't matter if I'm looking at pieces of chocolate through a window or floor tile online. Whichever one I fall in love with will ALWAYS be the most expensive one offered.

One hot nugget of serendipity: My Dad is a structural engineer. He designed and built my childhood home (which rocked. Really. All my friends LOVED my house). So, he agreed to help us with our house plans. The downside? I take after my Daddy and we both have a penchant for wanting our own way. We never actually argued over the plans but there were certainly moments of stubborn silence while one waited for the other to cave on a bone of contention. Mr. Clean sat idly aside during this entire process, saying, "Whatever you want." Course, just a few days ago during a discussion about whether I could find cute little swinging saloon doors for one of the kitchen entrances in something of a french country look or if we'd have to make them ourselves, he said, "You know... I've always hated those kinds of doors." He was THERE when we added them to the plans and didn't say a word.

Downfall: I have become so inundated by choices during the building materials listing/estimate process, I have become obsessively indecisive. I can't even choose between chocolate and vanilla ice cream now. They both have great merits. Depends upon the bowl they're in. The vanilla looks lovely in the grey/white bowls, while the chocolate looks delicious in the blue ones. Which one? Which one? AAAAGGGHHH... I DON'T KNOW!

Downfall #2: I had NO clue when entering into this whole thing just how many choices there are to make.... just how many different damn things are needing to be chosen. Faucets, appliances, cabinets, tile, counter top, backsplashes, windows, etc., etc., etc.. And they all have to look cohesive in the end. Cohesive. Like they all fit together in the big picture. Except I'm so eclectic I make myself dizzy. Someone asked me the other day what style were were going for in our house. I stammered. I stuttered. Then my head spun around and flew off my shoulders like a top to go bouncing around the store. Style? Umm... I don't think there's one to describe it. The kitchen is a bit of a cross between French Country and Tuscan. The entire house will have a bit of an Old World flair to it but it's not Old World in the truest sense. Get my drift? (don't worry. Neither do I, but it will look great when I'm done.)

So this is where I've been instead of blogging - traipsing through home stores, dealing with people at flooring outlets who wouldn't know customer service if it bit them in the butt, then going on to find another flooring outlet who have a better clue (but alas, not much better). Incorrect estimates listing incorrect tiles or windows or doors. AAAGGGHH. Overpriced appliances. Pushy sales people who want $500 just to give me an estimate on my cabinets (non-refundable). And you know... their cabinets are the best in the whole entire world. Right? Wood-clad windows or non-wood-clad windows? What do you mean those are the only colors they come in? That Chestnut Bronze color looks amazingly like... hmm... NAVY. No, I'm not joking.

And the one thing I'm already sick to death of? The fact that it's 2006 and STILL salespeople listen to my questions and then direct their answers to my husband. The next one who does that is will find himself withered to a grotesque mummified husk of a man beneath the sharp end of my tongue. I'm just sayin'.
| edit post
2 Responses
  1. Farm Girl Says:

    Building a house can be exciting and frustrating but when it's all done I'm sure you'll love it. All the decisions can be overwhelming, trying to imagine how everything will look together, etc. etc. Good luck and try not to kill anyone.

  2. dragonfly Says:

    It's definitely a test of one's relationship, that's for sure. But beneath the indecision and the occasional bouts of bickering, I have to admit... it's kinda FUN. :)