There are two days until we leave for our family cruise. TWO DAYS! I'm so excited. And completely BROKE.

The other night, as Mr. Clean and I walked out of WalMart with bags full of travel-size bottles for shampoo, toothpaste, lint rollers, etc... he says to me, "Do you realize that we've spent almost half as much preparing for this trip as we did on the trip itself?" And I said, "No way. Not even CLOSE." He stopped in the middle of the parking lot and started adding up receipts out loud. So, of course, I stuck my fingers in my ears and said, "La La La La La La La," as I continued walking to the car.

The fact of the matter is... he's nearly right. Very, very close to being right. And it all started with a stupid swimsuit.

See? We're going on a cruise and I needed a new swim suit, the kind you can be seen wearing in public. As opposed to the short shorts I might have worn at home in my own back yard where no one will see my uhhh... well, anything they might be opposed to seeing. Heh. And really? I have some knockers on me so a public-type swimsuit... if it's to be decent... requires an underwire. Have you ever seen the COST of swimsuits with underwires??? Oh Lord.

I found one online for a mere $140. Don't have a heart attack; I got it for $90. Still too much, even if it DOES suck in everything and take off 10 lbs in the process. I remember when swimsuits only cost.... Okay, never mind. That makes me sound really OLD. Sufficed to say, I found a great swimsuit with a great deal attached.

And then one of my bras broke. NO, my gazoongas are not THAT big! The underwire just snapped. I don't know how. I wasn't wearing it at the time. So. I had to buy a new bra.

They were having a sale, folks. A SALE. Buy one, get one half off. If you're a woman, you know the cost of good bras. You indulge when there are sales. I bought ONLY two. And then maybe a pair of capri pants and a shirt that was also on sale. It was cute! It looked CRUISE-LIKE.

And then the dreaded formal night dinner reared it's ugly head. I said, "Nooooo, we're just not going to do the formal night dinner. It'll cost too much to get all that crap to wear." And my sweet cousin, Bubbles, said, "But you HAVE to and it won't cost that much!!"

And because I'm easily led when it comes to buying clothes, I went shopping.

Two pairs of boy slacks, two nice shirts, three ties later.... $373.00. Of course, I had to get a few polo shirts for Shaggy, too (because they were on SALE and he needed them for his new job, or so we were told at the time... turns out he didn't). And then Doodlebug needed a new pair of shorts and some swim shorts. And I needed a pair of Fire Pajamas because I don't travel without good Fire PJs. And a couple of nice t-shirts. And... and... and... oh Shit, it's a SICKNESS.

What's worse? I wasn't yet DONE.

BabySis called and said, "I really, really need to go shopping. I have to find a dress for formal night and you have to go with me." I replied, "Great! I need dress sandals, and the Doodlebug needs a new pair of flip-flops. And some bath stuff because I've run out and I don't want to use stinky boy wash."

So we went shopping.

It took three stores to find the dress sandals and flip-flops. Both on sale, thank you very much. While looking for shirts/shorts for BabySis, though.... I found a pair of jean bermuda shorts that were too adorable to pass up AND a dress I could wear for the formal night dinner instead of the one I'd cobbled together at home. Hellooooo, the dress was ON SALE ($17!!! from $70).

I may have bought cruise underwear with little flip-flops and palm trees on them, too. Blame it on BabySis. SHE'S the one who pointed them out and said, "Oh! Cruise Panties! You HAVE to buy these!" And I may have been just tired and hot enough to get suckered in.

This past weekend, after Shaggy got his first paycheck, he MADE us go to the mall so he could pick up another pair of shorts. While there, Mr. Clean MAY have said... "Oh, I could use a new pair of shorts." And then I may have said, "Cool!" Because I am a SICK, SICK impulse buyer who does not EVER EVER EVER belong at the mall. We walked out with a pair of shorts and two t-shirts for him. I called it Father's Day.

And everything would have been fine at that point. Really. A little much but FINE all the same. But, nooooooo.... that was Not. It.

Monday morning, Shaggy informed us that he needed new boxers and some socks. Doodlebug said, "I need boxers, too!" And I said, "Stick a freaking skewer in my eyeball and put me out of my misery."

I don't do their laundry. THEY do their laundry. I rely on them to tell me when they need new stuff... and then get it. They decided not to tell me until the last minute.

I made a list of what we still needed -- NEEDS, people... NEEDS. Toothbrushes (because we all use the battery kind and I don't like taking them on trips, in case they are lost); toothpaste, lint rollers, travel bottles for my shampoo, etc... because I use gargantuan-size bottles at home and am not packing that crap. Underwear, underwear, underwear (because Mr. Clean decided that everyone else had new drawers so he was getting new draweres), and socks. Mascara - because the last tube I opened up was so old it flaked BEFORE it got on my eyelashes. Powder - because that's all I wear for make-up and I am nearly out. Liquid eyeliner --- Fine, I didn't need it but I wanted it. Sunscreen... for the body and one for my face.

Did I forget to mention the books?? I couldn't very well get on a plane without a book to read! Or two.

And then we walked out of Wally World and here I am. We haven't even LEFT yet and already I am sitting here thinking, "WTF? You call THIS a recession?"

If you want to fix the world's economy... send everyone on a cruise.

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1 Response
  1. Bubbles Says:

    I love it. I feel the same way, but I stashed the Bday cash from my dad for the casino... you can help me play it! I am soooo freakin excited.